A GREAT HEMORRHOID PICTURE

This is the picture I adapted for the chapter on hemorrhoids in  Over the Counter Pills that Don't Work, where it is in the chapter on hemorrhoid remedies at page 136.    

The original (in the Handbook on Nonprescription Drugs, 7th Edition) was in a format that we could not use directly, but with the publisher's permission I adapted it for our use, drawing on skills developed in years past.   Please note the different techniques used to render various aspects of the dissection and the white lining beneath the indicator lines to make them easier to follow.

While we did not sign our work, since this was really my adaptation, click on this picture to enlarge it to see if you can find my very tiny initials faintly visible here.                                               

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THE DIURETIC SONG

Tune: Stormy Weather

Parody Lyrics: Joan Levin 

I know why, taking hikes beneath the sky, 

I can’t do now, 

Staying close to home is all I do now,

'Cause I’m going all the time!  

I go on, and go on and on and on,

Can’t stop peeing!

HCTZ* overtook my being,  

I’m peeing all the time!

     That’s a pill the doctors give for hypertension, 

     (That’s the same as high blood pressure, I should   mention)

     Almost every hour I feel that same old tension, 

     That must be relieved again!

I’m so sad, my condition makes me mad, 

And I worry!

But can’t stop now, because I’ve gotta scurry. 

Back to that throne again! 

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*HCTZ = Hydrochlorothiazide, a diuretic prescribed for high blood pressure.

Parody Lyrics (c) 2022 Joan D. Levin

ANOTHER DIURETIC SONG!

To the tune of Row Row Row at:  https://songmeanings.com/songs/view/3530822107859172640/

Here's the chorus of the original as sung by Bing Crosby with lyrics attributed to John Scott Trotter:

And then he'd row, row, row

Way up the river he would row, row, row

A hug he'd give her

Then he'd kiss her now and then

She would tell him when,

They'd fool around and fool around

And then they'd kiss again.

And then he'd row, row, row

A little further he would go, oh, oh, oh,

Then he'd drop both his oars

Take a few more encores,

And then he'd row, row, row.

Here's my parody version as I deal with the effects of a drug for high blood pressure called hydrochlorothiazide.

And she would go go go,

That pill made sure that she would go go go,

She’d take tour of 

every bathroom here and there, 

She really didn’t care,

As long as there was one close by 

She’d be there fast as she could fly to 

go go go,

That diuretic had her peeing day and night!   

She’d just start in to snore, 

When she’d have to go more, 

and she would Go Go Go! 

Parody Lyrics: (c) Joan D. Levin, 2022

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DIURETIC SONG 3

DIURETIC SONG 3

An Ode to Hydrochlorothiazide

Tune: All I do is Dream of You the Whole Night Through

All I do is pee for you the whole day through,  

And when night falls, still nature calls, 

All ‘cause of you!

When I’m asleep, when I’m awake, 

You never give me any break, 

You’re steady, ready, but so hard to take!

I hardly can pronounce your name — Hydrochlorothiozide,

But sad to say I'm now your most unwilling bride!

If peeing were a job that paid, I'd be a billionaire today,

But I’m a volunteer for you the whole day through!

Parody Lyrics © Joan Levin 2022

From the movie Singin' in the Rain with music by Nacio Herb Brown and lyrics by Arthur Freed

FAIR ELLEN MEETS LOCHINVAR AND LANCELOT

Oh young Lochinvar was galloping east,

Having quietly departed his own wedding feast, 

It seems his fair Ellen had told him to scram,

She’d decided Sir Lancelot would be her man.

But off in the distance young Lochinvar’s eyes,

Fell on a fair lady, how sad were her cries!

He slowed his brave horse to a leisurely trot, 

Until he had reached her: the Lady of Shalott! 

“Why are you weeping?” was Lochinvar’s query,

“I’ve been dumped!” said the lady, her eyes sad and teary.

“But now I am happy, no longer afraid,

“Because it appears you have come to my aid!”

Lord Lochinvar held out his hand, which she took,

And jumped onto his horse, with no backward look.

And what of fair Ellen, Lord Lochinvar’s ex?

She rode off with Sir Lancelot and had lots of good times!  

Joan Levin, 2022

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N.B. This parody requires familiarity with Sir Walter Scott's poem Lochinvar, and Alfred, Lord Tennyson's poem The Lady of Shalott.  

There are a few versions online of both of these poems; here I used more abbreviated versions. 

The Lady of Shalott:

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45359/the-lady-of-shalott-1832

And here is Lochinvar: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/52300/lochinvar

CALIFORNIA DREAMIN'

Such a grey, sleety day here in Chicago!

So I'm warming up with the Mamas and the Papas!  

https://youtu.be/QMaQy_e2bsQ

Just skip the ad and sing along with these words!

California Dreamin’

The Mamas & the Papas

All the leaves are brown (All the leaves are brown)
And the sky is grey (And the sky is grey)
I've been for a walk (I've been for a walk)
On a winter's day (On a winter's day)
I'd be safe and warm (I'd be safe and warm)
If I was in L.A. (If I was in L.A.)
California dreamin' (California dreamin')
On such a winter's day

Stopped into a church
I passed along the way
Well, I got down on my knees (Got down on my knees)
And I pretend to pray (I pretend to pray)
You know the preacher liked the cold (Preacher liked the cold)
He knows I'm gonna stay (Knows I'm gonna stay)
California dreamin' (California dreamin')
On such a winter's day

All the leaves are brown (All the leaves are brown)
And the sky is grey (And the sky is grey)
I've been for a walk (I've been for a walk)
On a winter's day (On a winter's day)
If I didn't tell her (If I didn't tell her)
I could leave today (I could leave today)
California dreamin' (California dreamin')
On such a winter's day (California dreamin')
On such a winter's day (California dreamin')
On such a winter's day

Songwriters: John E. A. Phillips, Michelle Gilliam Phillips

For non-commercial use only.

Data from: Musixmatch

And more -- 

Here with two women one is Cass Elliott and two men:

https://youtu.be/N-aK6JnyFmk

and here with Cass Elliott and three men and Spanish subtitles:

https://youtu.be/-MEqT2kmTHg

 

and from Japan with two women (one is Cass) and two men, 

singing in English and no subtitles but some nice scenes and closeups of performers: 

 https://youtu.be/wZbBCuBOaHE

 Enjoy them all!

     

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THE CARVED WOODEN PORTRAIT

 Here is the carved wooden portrait that my great uncle in the lumber business carved.   I think it was Louis P. (but could it be Julius? Both were Grandpa Dave's brothers.) 

It is a likeness of my Grandpa Dave and Granny Ida.

In March, 2022, I sent it along with other carvings of his to to my cousin David P. who is the one I most trust to take good care of it!  

THE SNIFTERS AND COCK ROBIN

 This is what I sent to David and Catalina in March, 2022.  

The Cock Robin plate -- a child's plate with the poem and alphabet --was a gift from David's mother, Aunt Fran.  When she and Uncle Al were first married during WWII they lived and worked in Baltimore and used to love to go "antiquing."   I always loved this little child's plate at their home, and when they no longer lived there Fran gave it to me.

The wooden dogs (or maybe they are wolves?) were carved by my great uncle Julius (or was it Louis?) -- the one in the lumber business.  

He made many lovely carvings and as of March 22 I am still looking for the last one, the little chain.

The little dogs (or wolves?) I used to arrange one in front of the other, whereupon Uncle Al named them "The Snifters!"   I'm not sure my mother approved of this but I thought it was really funny and that's what I call them too! 

I already sent David and Catalina The Snifters, and also the wooden carved portrait of our grandparents, David and Ida.  I'll post the photo they sent me here as well. 

And now they also have the child's "Cock Robin" plate, as seen here.  t 

I am still looking for the carved wooden chain -- when I find it I'll take a picture to post here and then send it to David and Catalina as well.   

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