LEONARD BERNSTEIN MASS --FINALE: ALMIGHTY FATHER

 

Calendar Girl; A Yiddish Adaptation

Kalendar Meydl -- Transliterated 

Mit yanuar heybt zikh on dos yor,

In februar vern mir a por,

In marts baym seder zitsn mir tsuzamen,

In april iz mayn harts shoyn in flamen,

Oy, oy, kh’hob dikh lib azoy,

Ikh vil, ikh vil, ikh vil az du zolst zayn mayn froy,

Yedn tog, yedn tog fun a gants yor!

In may shaynt di zun nor af dir.

In yuni graduirn mir.

In yuli bistu ofitsiel mayn kale.

In oygust bakstu mir op a khale.

Oy, oy, kh’hob dikh lib azoy, 

Ikh ken zikh nit dervartn biz du vest zayn mayn froy,

Yedn tog, yedn tog fun a gants yor.

In september epl mit honik lekn,

In oktober in der suke an esrog shmekn.

In november hern mir nit oyf tsu kveln.

In detsember veln mir a khupe shteln.

Oy, oy, kh’hob dikh lib azoy, 

Ikh bin azoy tsufridn vos du bist shoyn mayn froy,

Yedn tog, yedn tog fun a gants yor!

Calendar Girl in Yiddish -- Translated into English

In January the year begins, 

In February, we’re a couple,

In March we sit together at the seder,

In April my heart is aflame!

            Oy, oy, oy, I love you so much,

 I want you to be my wife!

            Every day of the whole year!

In May the sun shines only on you,

In June we graduate,

In July you officially become my betrothed,

In August you bake me a challah!

            Oy, oy, oy, I love you so much!

            I can’t wait for you to be my wife!

            Every day of the whole year!

In September we taste apples and honey!

In October we sniff an esrog in the sukkah!

In November we don’t stop kvelling,

In December we’ll put up a khupe!

            Oy, oy, oy, I love you so much!

            I’m so happy that you are already my wife!

            Every day of the whole year! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adapted from Neil Sedaka's 1960's hit song Calendar Girl 
by Khane Faygl Turtletaub
Sung in Yiddish by Joan Levin at a Yiddish Vokh many years ago!

Homer Smith, Urine and Modern Warfare

 Poem I wrote published in Perspectives in Biology and Medicine

32 (4), Summer 1989 pp. 603-604

HOMER SMITH, URINE, AND MODERN WARFARE

JOAN D. LEVIN*

Selma, Alabama, was twice prominent in world history, once in this

century for being the site of a major civil rights battle, and once, a

century earlier, during the battle between the states.

The earlier events were immortalized by Homer Smith, in his essay De

Urina (1, pp. 127-147]. Smith was not only the most brilliant renal physiologist of the century, but also a distinguished novelist and historian as well. The relevant passages of his historical (and historic) essay follow:

Though phosphate is important in the usefulness of urine as fertilizer, the nitrogen of its urea, ammonia, and other compounds is of no less significance inthis respect, and urine as a source of nitrogen supplies us with an heroic example of what man in his ingenuity, when hard pressed, can achieve. I refer to the sad plight of Selma, Alabama, during the Civil War. To prepare saltpetre for the manufacture of gunpowder, the Confederates had to resort to all sorts of devices

such as leaching the earth from old smokehouses, barns, and caves, and making artificial beds of all kinds of nitrogenous refuse, having agents for this purpose in every town and city. The agent at Selma was particularly energetic and enthusiastic, and advertised in the newspaper as follows:

"The Ladies of Selma are respectfully requested to preserve the chamber lye collected about the premises for the purpose of making nitre. A barrel will be sent around daily to collect it.

John Harrolson, Agent Nitre Mining Bureau"

This came to the attention of a poet in the Confederate Army who responded lyrically as follows:

"HE ADVERTISED FOR CHAMBER LYE

John Harrolson[ John Harrolson! 

You are a wretched creature.

You've added to this bloody war a new and awful feature.

You'd have us think while every man is bound to be a fighter,

The ladies, bless the dears, should save their P for nitre.

John Harrolson! John Harrolson! Where did you get the

notion,

To send your barrel 'round the town to gather up the lotion?

We thought the girls had work enough making shirts and

kissing,

But you have put the pretty dears to patriotic pissing.

John Harrolson! John Harrolson! Do pray invent a neater

And somewhat more modest mode of making your saltpetre;

For 'tis an awful idea, John, gunpowdery and cranky,

That when a lady lifts her shift she's killing off a Yankee."

This poem was printed on toilet paper and circulated all over the

Confederacy, and a copy was smuggled across the line to fall into the hand of an anonymous Yankee poet who replied:

"THE YANKEE'S VIEW OF IT

John Harrolson! John Harrolson! We've read in song and story

How women's tears through all the years have moistened fields

of glory,

But never was it told before amid such scenes of slaughter

Your Southern beauties dried their tears and went to making

water.

No wonder that your boys are brave, who couldn't be a fighter

If every time he fired his gun, he used his sweetheart's nitre;

And vice-versa, what would make a Yankee soldier sadder

Than dodging bullets fired from a pretty woman's bladder?

They say there was a subtle smell that lingered in the powder,

And as the smoke grew thicker and the din of battle louder,

That there was found to this compound one serious objection,

No soldier boy could sniff it without having an erection."

To these two short, poignant poems, one from the southerner's point

of view and one from the Yankee's, I have added a third version, bringing this art form up-to-date for the 1980s.

URINE AND NATIONAL DEFENSE: A NEW VIEWPOINT FOR THE EVE OF THE TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY

Oh Homer Smith, dear Homer Smith, it makes a maiden

blush,

To think that national defense could turn upon a flush.

But that's enough of Civil War in ancient, dog-eared rhymes,

We need a new approach to meet the needs of modern

times!

Our patriotic fast food joints might realize these hopes,

And spice their wares judiciously with radioisotopes,

The customers could eat their fill, and then each loyal feeder

Would soon become a urinary radioactive breeder!

And every little child from San Diego up to Maine,

Would give to national defense what once went down the

drain.

And even Ron and Nancy could give of what they got, 

And donate all the contents of the Presidential Pot.

Forget about cocaine and hash, they'll fill us with ennui,

There'll soon be better uses for each worker's drop of pee,

And all those silly drug tests, they soon will be forgot.

No more of asking "Are you high?" but rather, "Are you

hot?"

Oh Homer Smith, dear Homer Smith, behold a modern

sight,

The nation's urine harnessed for her military might.

And we can fry the birds on high, and fishes in the sea,

With fifty million megatons of radioactive pee!

REFERENCE:

1. CHASIS,H ., and GOLDRINGW, . (eds.). Homer William Smith: His Scientific and Literary Achievements.  New York: New York University Press, 1965. (Reprinted from Kaiser Foundation Med. Bull. 6:1, 1958))

The author wishes to express her appreciation to  Dr. Novera Herbert Spector of the National Institutes of Health for directing her attention to the classic Homer Smith work cited herein.

* Address: 2114 South Tower, 4515 Willard Avenue, Chevy Chase, Maryland 20815.

© 1989 by The University of Chicago. All rights reserved.

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What to do with your IMUSA Mini Casserole

What to do with your IMUSA Six Inch Mini Casserole?  So many things!  While I'm mostly plant based, I do enjoy an occasional egg, and here are some of my faves!

Fun with a Mini-Pan

This pan’s non-stick surface will stay that way if you clean gently and don’t use metal utensils.

Here are some easy things you should know how to make.

ALWAYS START WITH GOOD INGREDIENTS!  ORGANIC, PASTURE RAISED, LOCAL.
OK TO BUY LESS/ PAY MORE - YOUR HEALTH & ENVIRONMENT WILL THANK YOU! 

Eggs: Eat sparingly and buy organic, preferably cage free or pastured, ideally from local farmers.  Happier hens; happier eggs.  Eat fewer and spend a little more; it’s worth it!

Salt: Use sparingly.  A little grinder bottle of sea salt from supermarket lasts forever.  

Pepper: Find the little grinder bottles of black pepper at the supermarket.

Butter: In SMALL amounts.  Buy 1/4 lb. (or small tub) of the best one!  Pay more, buy less!

Tortillas: Buy fresh, plain, non-GMO.  Use quickly and keep in fridge. 
(In Chicago area buy El Milagro fresh corn tortillas if you can!)
See: http://wfpbn.blogspot.com/2016/09/corn-tortillas-gluten-free-go-to.html

Bread:  Pay a little more to get organic whole grain.

Here are some fun things you can make:  

1.  Scrambled Egg.  Gently break an egg into a small dish or cup and beat it gently with a fork.  Add a few teaspoonsful of milk and a small grind of sea salt. 

Put a TINY bit of butter in the pan and turn stove to medium low.  
When butter starts to melt pour in the egg mix and gently stir it as the lower level begins to cook.  
Fold it over a bit if you wish.
Remove from heat when no longer runny.  Grind on a little salt and pepper for a nice scrambled egg.

Variation: stir in fine chopped leftovers for a quick mini-omlette!  

2.  Egg(s) on Tortilla.  Put a little butter in a pan on low medium heat, and lay a fresh tortillia in the pan. 
Turn with a bit more butter. 
As tortilla warms, gently break an egg on it and cover.  
WATCH CAREFULLY!  Look under the lid frequently. When the white is mostly congealed and BEFORE the yolk turns hard, slide it onto a plate.  
Dip some of the tortilla into the runny yolk of the egg.  
(If the yolk gets hard, eat it anyway and watch it more carefully next time!)

3.  Egg in the Hole.   Lightly butter a slice of bread on both sides.  With a knife, carefully cut a hole in the middle of the bread, a little less than 2 inches in diameter.  
Take the circle out and cut in half.  
Put the bread with the hole in the pan, with the little “hole” pieces on each side. 

Carefully break an egg in the hole.  
The yolk should be in the hole and the white will be under and on top of the toast.  

Cook at medium low heat.  If you cover it you probably won’t need to flip it.  Just watch to see that the yolk stays soft.  Or,  if uncovered, flip it over when the bottom cooks,  and cook for less than a minute more.   

4.  French Toast.  Beat an egg gently with a fork mixed with a few teaspoons of milk.
Soak a piece of bread in this mixture.  
Warm a SMALL bit of butter in a pan.  
Put the egg-soaked bread in the pan and cook on medium for a SHORT time!   
Flip it once to cook the other side.  

Serve with a little real maple syrup or cinnamon and sugar.   

See lots more easy, healthful dishes at  :http://wfpbn.blogspot.com